


Figure it out

by Julias_Sunshine



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, Sharing Feelings, there's talk of suicidal thoughts but it's nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25870972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julias_Sunshine/pseuds/Julias_Sunshine
Summary: This is a fic for my friend Meg (Meggtheegg on tumblr)! She's really wonderful. I hope you like it <3
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Figure it out

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic for my friend Meg (Meggtheegg on tumblr)! She's really wonderful. I hope you like it <3

Evan was sitting on Zoe’s floor, arms folded up on her mattress and his head resting on them. Zoe was sat criss cross on her bed, back against the wall. This was Evan’s first time being over since Connor had gotten back from the hospital, and it felt like an elephant in the room. He would have loved to come over and support Zoe sooner, but her parents were so distressed that she said it wasn’t a good idea just yet. They hadn’t really talked about it since the night after everything happened, but it looked like Zoe still had her mind on it. Or she was lost thinking of something else, but if Evan had to guess, he would say it was Connor. 

“What’s up?” He asked, trying to gently prompt her to talk about whatever was going on inside her head. 

“This is all just...so much, I don’t know what to do.” She started. “He - I don’t know. I knew he felt that way, but I never did anything to help him. Should I have done something?”

Evan looked at her, chewing on the inside of his cheek before answering. “I’m not sure that there was anything you could have done. Maybe there was, but don’t upset yourself trying to think of it.” He swallowed before adding on, “He’s still here, maybe you can help him more now.”

Evan had no idea what would help, though. He just hoped Zoe wouldn’t ask him about that. She didn’t. Instead she said “It hurts knowing that someone I,” A pause. “Someone I care about feels like that.”

“I know it does.” Evan breathed out, glancing at his left arm. “I think more people feel like that than you would think, though.” 

Zoe lowered her gaze to look at Evan’s face. “What do you mean?”

“Connor’s not the only one who felt like that.”   
  


“I know, but…” She paused again. Zoe was struggling to find words a lot lately, struggling to verbalize what she was thinking. “Wait, do you?”

Evan nodded, casting his eyes down. “Yeah,” He knew he had no reason to be ashamed, but he was. “I’m sorry. I’ve tried too, but no one knows that.” He let out a humourless laugh. “Clearly it didn’t work.”   
  


“I know how you feel.” Zoe seemed so sure of herself when she first said it, but then she backtracked quickly. “I mean, I’m sure I don’t have it as bad. I’ve never, like, acted on my thoughts? But…” She let out a sigh. “They’re there.”

Evan nodded weakly. He reached out to take Zoe’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“Sorry, I'm not trying to make this about myself. Just....you aren’t alone. You know?”

“I know.” Evan assured. “It’s always nice to know I’m not alone. Even if it breaks my heart knowing that you feel this way too.” A part of him didn’t understand it. Zoe had so much potential. She had friends, good grades, hobbies. But the logical part of his brain knew that didn’t matter. These kinds of thoughts can always pop up regardless of how good or bad someone’s life is at the moment.

She gave him a tight smile, clearly forced. “Yeah,” She cast her gaze down at her lap. “Sorry. I shouldn’t make us talk about all this sad shit, it’s just been on my mind a lot. Everything with Connor and….you know.”

Evan gave her hand a squeeze once again to silently tell her it was okay. 

“Thanks,” She breathed out.

Their conversation drifted to something softer after that, talking about pets they want to get when they get their own places and their favourite Disney movies. They were interrupted by a short knock at Zoe’s door before it opened and Connor peeked his head in. “Hey,” He greeted, voice small.

Things between him and Zoe were still...rocky, to say the least. But apparently family therapy while Connor was away did _something_ for their relationship. “I’m going to bed. Wanted to say goodnight first.” Connor continued. 

Evan checked the time on his phone. It was nearly 10, he didn’t realize it had gotten so late. He stood up and walked over to Connor, giving him a hug. “Night,” He said, voice just as soft as Connor’s was. Evan glanced back at Zoe, who seemed to hesitate before opening her arms.

“Come here,” She offered. Connor stepped away from Evan and went to give his sister a hug as well. Evan looked down, feeling like he was invading on something private. There seemed to be so much said without any words just by how tightly they held each other for a short moment. 

After they parted, Connor gave Evan one last hug on his way out the door. He closed Zoe’s bedroom door behind himself, leaving the two in quiet once again. 

Evan looked at Zoe, whose gaze looked far off and a little teary. He walked over to hug Zoe and she clung to him, sniffling. Evan wasn’t sure how long it was until they parted, but they were both tired and a little emotionally drained by then. Zoe told Evan he could spend the night in the guest room if he wanted, so they said goodnight and headed to bed, knowing they would see each other again in the morning.


End file.
